Perpetually Distracted

Well, my first year of college is over! It feels like I should have a profusion of thoughts and reflections on this subject, but after writing that first sentence, I am at a blank.

Perhaps it is the very fact of having too many thoughts floating around… At the risk of disorganization, I shall try to tease out this elusive bundle of thoughts.

First of all, college has confused my notion of time. That is, it feels like this year went by super quickly. But at the same time, the beginning of the year, and the entire first semester, seems so far away. I suppose I feel like college is sprinting a marathon - it goes fast but at the end the starting point is far off in the distance.

I have contemplated often enough how my life now is different. In many ways it’s the same. I go to all my classes (which, in the context of college, seems to be a bit of an anomaly) and spend the majority of my time studying. I still dance, still see one of my oldest friends on a daily basis (that tends to happen when you live in the same room :P) My approach to school is the same… doing the work and being mildly interested in everything but not feeling “passionate” about any particular thing (but that is probably a completely different topic of discussion/ rumination for another day).

Of course, many things are different, mostly in regards to life outside academics. I skate and play piano much less than before. I think I spend more time alone. Or at least, I spend much more time walking places alone. Or maybe it’s just that there’s a sense of independence that comes with life away from parents. Life is more spontaneous, much easier to go somewhere on a whim. Not that I have particularly taken advantage of this, but at the very least it’s nice to know the possibility is there? Even though I spend (what feels like) more time alone, I also spend more time with more people.

I think all these changes are very expected (and therefore not necessarily all that interesting). I wonder how much I have changed on a more internal context and how aware I can be of any change. As far as I can tell I think I am the same person. Still bad at acting decisively, still wanting to do everything, still finding it a little difficult to speak up or talk about things not related to academia. I am more consciously trying to change this, though. Perhaps I have started more time asking myself philosophical questions. That is, wondering about who I am and what I think about things. My reflections tend to just go in circles that don’t lend any hint of conclusion, though.

What are some things I did for the first time in college?

Started hanging out more with guys (not very hard, since I could probably count on one hand the guys I talked to on a more-than-occasional basis in high school)

Went grocery shopping alone

Made friends with upperclassmen/graduates (didn’t really talk to anyone outside of my year in high school…)

Started riding buses and public transportation in general more often

Haven’t been home for about 7 weeks (although I have seen my parents more often than that)

Staying up late talking to people might’ve been on this list, but I have done that before :P

In all honesty, this list doesn’t seem very impressive, now that I have made it.

Oh well.

Well, I can say I have enjoyed this year. I had some apprehensions in the beginning but all in all it has not been a bad year. I think I will miss dorm life next year. It’s sad to move out and have to take everything off the walls, knowing this group of people will be spread out across Berkeley next year. I think I won’t see many of them again, since it’s so hard to bump into people on campus. At the beginning of the year it was a little saddening not to be able to see people I know while wandering around campus. But it happens more frequently now, which is nice. I am kind of excited for summer school, now that I know many of my dance friends will be around.

Here’s to hoping the next three years here will be as good or as better as this one.

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May 11, 2013

showcase!

Spring showcase today! The day since around 3:30ish was pretty hectic (though personally my day was probably not as hectic as some other people’s). After a morning/afternoon of studying bio, I headed over to Anna Head (the building our performance was at). After arriving, I realized I didn’t have my umbrella, and I had tech in 20 minutes, so I ran back to my room, grabbed all my costumes and stuff, dropped something off for a friend, then ran back to Anna Head.. and realized I still didn’t have my umbrella T_T. So I ran back home and got my umbrella and booked it back to Anna Head. Yay! (Fortunately all these places are very close to each other. Yay forgetfulness…)

Anyways.

Performances always make me excited ^__^ And after watching all those solos, I wish I could’ve been in more dances. Both of the ones I did today seemed to go pretty well, I think. We figured out how to manage 16 umbrellas on a small stage, yay :D

And then boba after!

Haha. These words don’t make it sound all that exciting. Oh well.

dancedancedance I wish I didn’t have a final and a paper due on Monday!

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May 09, 2013